Yearning
by sereace
Summary: Do whatever you like--one of Sanzo's favorite lines. But will he let Hakkai do what he wants? Will he let Hakkai go, now that he has finally learned to hold on?


Yearning

by: sereace

1 Chapter: You Love Me

Intense, violet eyes watched the other man on the bed whose chest was rising and falling in time with rhythmic, hypnotic breathing. 

Intense, turbulent, violet eyes watched the other man on the bed whose skin was softer and smoother than the finest silk.

Intense, turbulent, ardent violet eyes watched the other man on the bed whose mere presence could drive him to the point of loosing what semblance of control he had and bring him to the point of frenzy, of abandon.

Intense, turbulent, ardent, and _confused_ violet eyes watched the other man on the bed.

A hand reached out and traced the features of the other man gently. The other man moaned, before leaning closer to him.

It caused him to smile, and alleviate the feeling of foreboding in his mind. 

No, not merely in his mind, but also in his heart. 

_More_ so in his heart.

_Why didn't he say it?_ Was the foremost thought running on his mind at present. It was followed by _Did he forget?_, then_ Has his mind changed?_ The next question plaguing him was a thought he pushed to the deepest abyss of his mind, but it was persistently breaking from the restrains he has set upon it.

But he still forbade his mind to think about it, although his heart has already felt it.

His _pride_ forbade him to even consider the fact he was actually feeling _something_ for the man beside him. 

He leaned closer to him, golden hair draping a curtain over them, resting his forehead upon the other's. Brown hair was set aside as he kissed his way down from his eyes, his nose, his lips, to the junction of his jaws, descending to his neck. A moan of pleasure escaped the man beneath him, and it was all it took to ignite the fire within him. He went back up to the other's lips, kissing him fervently, persistently, until he felt lithe arms encircle his neck and heard his name being moaned out in between kisses.

He pulled, only enough to look into emerald green eyes, only to find them still closed. 

"Hakkai."

A muttered reply as a hand reached to play with the hair on the nape of his neck.

"Hakkai." He started, once again, letting an edge slip on the tone of his voice.

"Hai, Sanzo?" As much as he liked hearing his name pass Hakkai's lips, it wasn't enough. 

"Oi, Hakkai. Look at me."

An eye opened, revealing the emerald green he wanted to see. He wanted to see Hakkai look at him with both eyes.

"Hakkai..." the unspoken warning was not lost to the other, and the latter complied by opening both his eyes this time, and letting another hand trace circular patterns across his back.

"Hai, Sanzo?"

Emerald met amethyst. 

"Sanzo? Is it morning already?"

"Hn. Dawn is a couple of hours away."

Hakkai blinked, hands stilling. "It is?"

"Hai."

The brunette made a move to stand up, but it was promptly prevented. Confusion began to alight in the green eyes Sanzo fought so hard to see. 

"Sanzo? Is there something wrong?"

Sanzo was inwardly seething, though he dared not look into the reasons why. The first time he actually stayed the night with him and this is how the brunette chose to repay him. Hadn't Hakkai wanted this? Hadn't Hakkai wished, albeit he never said it aloud, that he stay the night with him? 

He struggled to keep the emotions at bay. He replied with a gruff "Hm." which placed a smile on Hakkai's face.

A smile which was promptly removed when Sanzo's mouth went to cover his own.

The kiss was slow and passionate, and when Hakkai's hand went from caressing his nape to fisting a hand on his hair, Sanzo smiled. Yes, this was how Hakkai was supposed to respond. This was how Hakkai was supposed to respond, and afterwards tell Sanzo he loves him. 

He broke the kiss, going down to the smooth curve of Hakkai's neck. He sucked the skin laid bare for him, leaving his mark. 

Yes, this was how Hakkai was supposed to respond under his ministrations—yielding, accepting, pliant. And when he lathered the bruising skin with his tongue, Hakkai should be speaking the words to him.

It proved to be their routine, since three months ago.

It was broken, for the third time, in one night. 

He heard no I Love You's. 

He heard no endearments, no "Please, Love's", no "Don't stop, Love's".

He heard only encouragement that seemed to him impersonal, detached even, from Hakkai's usual responses. 

He heard only his heart screaming in agony, and his mind in confusion and pain.

_What_ is wrong with Hakkai? 

Has Hakkai forgotten?

Has Hakkai changed his mind?

Sanzo closed his eyes, yet continued his ministrations, kissing his way down Hakkai's sternum.

"Sanzo..."

Before they both knew it, the door burst open to reveal a crying Goku.

"Sanzo! Gojyo took my food!"

Hakkai scrambled to get up, but his efforts were in vain. Sanzo merely sat up, straddled his hips, and turned to look at Goku, his ever-present gun in his hand, which had been under the pillows, trained at the direction of the unfortunate boy who unknowingly interrupted.

"Uruse, baka saru! Get out now!" Two commands, two shots, whizzing past first, on Goku's left ear, the other, his right. Goku blinked twice, realizing for the first time that a) Sanzo was naked, and b) Sanzo was not alone, and c) Hakkai was not in his room because he was in Sanzo's, and d) He was in _big_ trouble. He wanted very much to follow Sanzo's commands, but found that he couldn't. He was rendered immobile by the sight before him. It was the first time he actually saw them _being _together, though he and Gojyo already have the knowledge of the couple's relationship. It was a sight to behold—like something only seen in the paintings of the most prolific artist. They looked so _perfect_ with each other it was almost impossible to believe them together. 

"Get out!"

Goku blinked again, frantically nodding his head, before he ran off the corridor. He was heading towards his room when he heard a yell. "Saru! Close the door!"

He sped back, peeking in before he reached for the knob and pulled the door closed, but not before locking it. He heard Hakkai raise his voice and address to him, "Gomen ne, Goku! I'll buy you extra food—"

Whatever else Hakkai wanted to say was lost, replaced a single beat later by a surprised shout of the monk's name, and then there was nothing, unless you strain to hear.

Goku did not, covering his ears in the process, and heading straight back to the kitchens where Gojyo undoubtly already ate all the food. The youkai sighed. He was hungry, and he was going to be thoroughly reprimanded when Sanzo gets out of that room. Goku hoped Hakkai would keep the monk in there until Sanzo had forgotten what Goku...witnessed.

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Author's notes: Gomen, if some facts were wrong. First fic in this fandom, so please be kind…Onegai?


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